I have been struggling of late. Instead of keeping my eyes on God, I have been looking at my situation. Fretting over my lack of finances, and the things I can or cannot do. Seeking after worldly success instead of trusting God, who is my provider and the source of my life.
From early childhood I sought to prove myself...to impress. I know it stems from the fact, that when young, my parents drummed it into me, that I would not amount to much. So I have gone out of my way to prove them wrong. Not necessarily a bad thing. Except when I find something I'm good at...something I really enjoy, I quickly become obsessive and acquire tunnel vision. Nothing else matters, I've no peripheral vision, I stare straight ahead. Well and truly blinkered and lost in selfish ambition. Which in the end leads to frustration and eventually depression.
God has a plan for my life, as He has for all of us. Outside of that plan we find ourselves lost, floundering and eventually despairing!
God is helping me to understand, that all the gifts I have are not for worldly success, as I see it, but to glorify Him. They are His and I'm His instrument, to be used in anyway He see's fit.
Not for me worldly success, with all the pressures that can bring. I'm learning, way to slowly it seems! That everything He has blessed me with, must be turned over to Him. For only then, will it be used correctly to bless others and also myself. But most of all to glorify my God.
A friend told me to read Psalm 73. Which of course proved amazingly applicable to my situation at the moment, especially verses 23-24. "Nevertheless, I am continually with you, you hold me by my right hand. You will guide me with your counsel. And afterword receive me to glory."
I love F.B. Meyer and as he rightly says. The place where all of life's questions are answered is in the sanctuary of God. This is where we find the peace we seek, and the increase of faith we need. Even if many of our questions remain unanswered.
God is good, all the time God is good! Praise His holy name.